Bill Evans!
Welcome to the Kent Island Defense League Offical Web Site!
Kicky Stevensville? ACK! 

It is early morning the Sunday before last. We are just leaving the parking lot of a motel somewhere near Daytona. Our aged but trusty Oldsmobile station wagon coughs to life. I aim her north on I-95 after receiving last minute driving instructions from Jeanette and Bob. Full of bad coffee and good intentions, we begin the second leg of our journey home after a Key West vacation that was much too short (and on another level, much too long). 

At the same moment in time, thousands of Marylanders are just opening The Sunday Sun and reading about “the perfect Eastern Shore retreat.” 

But the feature article by western shoreperson Ellen Uzelac is not what you might expect – namely, more excruciatingly descriptive prose on our just adorable, perfectly charming St. Michaels, Oxford, or Tilghman Island. And it’s not about the soon to be open Hyatt Regency Chesapeake Bay Resort (don’t hold your breath) in Cambridge. 

No, Ms. Uzelac is talking about Kent Island, Hon! 

Friends at the Bay Times saved this article for me and wanted to know what I thought about it. Did I mention that these friends are also born troublemakers? Visualize someone handing a 10-year old boy a stick of dynamite and a match, then running for cover, and you get the picture.

So what did I think of the article? 

I rate it right up there with having a 5-inch hairball lodged in my throat approximately where my tonsils used to be. Here are some of the more memorable quotes from the article along with my Bill the Cat ACK! ratings. 

Kent Island is made up of an eclectic mix of watermen, artists, corporate executives and suburbanites.” 

ACK! ACK! ACK! ACK! Get those watermen, artists, executives and suburbanites together down at No Place Saloon on a Saturday night and there’s just no predicting how eclectic things can get.

“Some residents, drawn from the Western Shore by the island's easygoing lifestyle, consider it an outpost of Annapolis.”

Outpost of Annapolis? There is not enough room on this page for all the ACKs! I experienced reading this.

“Now and then, you still hear old-timers in other parts of Queen Anne's County talk about "down on the island" as if Kent Island were some sort of racy playground.” 

ACK! ACK! ACK! ACK! ACK! What old-timers would these be?

“Charming, quaint, kicky -- tiny Stevensville is all those things.”

ACK! ACK! ACK! Kicky?

”The Cross Island Trail, a six-mile paved trail that wanders through canopied woods and nudges up against creeks and marshes and a wildflower meadow that will burst into color in June and July.”

ACK! ACK! ACK! ACK! The writer failed to mention that the trail may also soon burst into the colors yellow and brown.. Yellow for the small army of bulldozers leveling canopied woods and nudging up against the creeks and marshes. Brown with fields of dirt where wildflower meadows once resided. 

“For years when I drove across Kent Island, it was to get somewhere else. Nowadays, I find myself looking for reasons to stop.”

ACK! Spare us please. We’ve got more yuppies than we can handle now.

UPDATE: Bill Evans received a response from this article.  Check this out...Bad Bill Apologizes

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© 2000 - 2002 Bill Evans.  Used By Permission.  All Rights Reserved.
Two Cents Worth columns appear weekly in the Bay Times in spite of the editor’s usual good taste and judgment.

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